One Cold Night
by JuubiOokami
Summary: In which Gwaine talks to Merlin about the horrors of his past and why he hates nobles and noisy chimneys. No Pairings - (MerlinXGwaine if you want and squint). Set in three year time-gap. Gwaine-centred. One-Shot for now, but may expand. Warning - Some violent scenes. 13


**Author's Note: Hello there! Well, it has certainly been a while since I've posted anything, but with all the stress from University work I managed to squeeze this out between essays. It's just a short little thing which explores Gwaine's past. Maybe I'll do more, or maybe I won't…As for now, it stands very well on its own.**

**This is actually a response piece to a lot of the fanfiction I have read overtime which really anger me. Fanfictions where the writers totally disregard the natural relationship between the characters, such as by making Arthur needlessly cruel to Merlin, or revealing a character's dark past and stating that all the time they were happy in the series, they were only pretending…**

**I wanted this piece to be small and honest to Gwaine's character, whilst also appealing to the angsty fan-service I had running through my head. In this, I hope I have succeeded. **

**Warning – Violent scenes, T+**

**Disclaimer – Merlin belongs to the BBC. I make no claim of ownership to any of these interpretations of the characters and am simply using them for story telling purposes. If I did own them, the Knights would probably spent more time topless, and the magic reveal would have happened by now.**

**ENJOY –**

The wind was howling through the chimney again, and it made Gwaine's head ache. He hated it. He hated the sound – it drove him near insane, but he could hardly complain about it. Imagine that – a Knight of Camelot asking to be moved to a chamber without a fire-place? The castle got cold enough as it was, but a room without a fire come winter? Gwaine would be too cold and stiff to train properly come morning. That was, if he didn't freeze to death in his sleep first.

Still, sometimes the dark haired man pondered that it might be worth it all if he could escape the sound of that damn shrieking fire-place. It wasn't even loud, nor constant, but every-time he heard that desperate whistle of air his blood went cold.

He rolled in his bed, uncomfortable and on edge. He was tired from the day, he wanted to sleep. Everything had been going so well, up until this point. He'd had a superb training session, besting Percy and Elyan, though still falling shy of both Arthur and Leon.

"_Your attacks are too sweeping and wild!" _Leon had scolded him and Gwaine had laughed.

"_It can't be helped, it's all part of my roguish charm."_

"_Well you're roguish charm will get you killed one day."_ Arthur had warned and Gwaine had been unconcerned, shrugging nonchalantly.

"_There are worse ways to die." _He had waggled his eyebrows and his King had rolled his eyes, shaking his head. From behind Merlin had laughed, but flashed Gwaine a look to say that Arthur was right. Gwaine was unused to people showing him open concern, it was part of the reason he enjoyed Merlin's company so much. Through all his brash garishness, Merlin still knew that Gwaine wasn't immortal, even if sometimes Gwaine didn't.

The chimney gave a small wail and Gwaine sat up in the bed, dropping his legs down the side so that his feet touched the cold stone floor beneath. He scrunched his fingers through his hair and sighed. It was times like this that Gwaine remembered his own mortality. It was times like this that he felt genuinely small.

He wondered whether or not to try and find Merlin, but decided with a quick glance to the moonlit sky outside, that it was too late. Merlin was welcoming and good-hearted, but Gwaine didn't want to take advantage of that. He owed it to Merlin, after all, even with all the brothers he had gained now as a Knight of Camelot, it was Merlin who had first extended that hand of friendship. Just like it was Arthur who made Gwaine trust that perhaps not all nobles and Kings were merciless, cruel and unfeeling.

The cries of the wind grew louder and Gwaine gave a frustrated growl before standing and crossing the room. He found his clothes and dressing in the dark, as he had done many times before when slipping from the bed-chambers of many a sweet young woman, he left the room. He crossed down into the armoury and, leaving off the heavy metal protection, seized a sword and started outside to the training grounds. Even as he did it, a part of him demanded with disbelief what on earth he was doing. Come morning, when he was tired, sore and grumpy, he would regret this decision. Yes – he would regret it even more if as a result Percy turned the tables around on their current statue quo, and handed Gwaine's arse back to him. The only thing Gwaine had on the big guy was speed and agility, which you needed with Percy because woe betide any man who was on the receiving of one of his blows.

Gwaine brought his sword around hard against the training dummy and grunted when a shock went up his cold limbs on impact. He thought back to Leon's criticism, and tried to make the blow more concise. Leon told him it would help him conserve energy, make each blow count for more…But all it did was frustrate Gwaine. When he struck at a man, he did it with raw ferocity and intention. He put his whole heart into it…How were you supposed to do that with a concise strike?

He dropped the sword with frustration and sat down, staring at the dummy. The wind ruffled his hair, and Gwaine regretted not putting an extra layer on, as the icy fingers licked along his neck. He wasn't quite sure why he had come down, it had just seemed like the logical thing to do. But then, Gwaine reasoned, he wasn't logical – he was impulsive.

That chilling sound of the wind in his chimney brought with it an urge to wield a sword. Once, it would have brought with it a deafening guilt, a terror like no other, a feeling of helplessness, and useless, and desperation. But Gwaine was not a child any longer. He was not helpless any longer.

So the powerlessness was replaced with a sword.

Still, now Gwaine felt stupid. Utterly foolish to be precise. He shouldn't have left his bed – though it was easier to say that now.

Perhaps he could miss training for a day? Take a little while to himself? But Gwaine knew that wasn't how it worked. If he missed training, and wasn't twitching with fever under Gaius' gaze, or lying face-down and bloody in a field somewhere, then he would be in serious trouble.

Gwaine turned and lay back against the bench, staring up to the stars above him. Usually he loved the stars, they were like freedom themselves – a rouge's map. But tonight they just seemed cold. Everything was cold. And that quiet wailing lingered around him as he closed his eyes.

He had told Merlin he remembered little of his father. It was true – the man was a blur, a faded memory, a boyish vision of a broad back with proud shoulders and long legs. Gwaine could not even remember his face or voice. They had faded long, long ago. But Gwaine remembered the feeling of the man. The way his chest rumbled when he laughed, the sound of his smile, the warmth and assurance and love whenever Gwaine was close to him. It angered Gwaine that for a man who had given everything for his son…Gwaine didn't even have the decency to remember him properly.

Gwaine folded his arms around himself, expelling the cold as he breathed out a small sigh.

"Gwaine?" A voice called from the darkness, and he opened his eyes and sat up. From around the training post, Merlin was standing a sword in hand. Gwaine raised his eyebrows and straightened completely, waving.

"Merlin." He greeted, and Merlin let the sword drop to his side.

"What are you doing out?" The manservant asked, crossing over to him as Gwaine made room for the other on the bench.

"I could ask you the same thing." He motioned toward the sword. "Planning on taking my head off, were you?"

Merlin grinned apologetically, dropping down beside the Knight.

"Sorry, it's just that…Normally when I hear people sneaking through the castle at night, someone's trying to kill Arthur." He stated and Gwaine roared with the laughter.

"Oh Merlin, it's you Arthur should have Knighted."

Merlin grew still, a reserved look on his face. "Lancelot said the same thing to me once…" He whispered, and a pang of sadness went through Gwaine. He had not known Lancelot very well, and as far as characters went, there couldn't have been two more contradictory people. Good hearted Lancelot who, despite being of poor birth, dreamt of being a Knight and…well, Gwaine. Still, despite their differences, Gwaine had liked and respected Lancelot…And had grieved at his death, like so many. The events that had followed, when he returned, with Gwen…Well, Gwaine liked to pretend they were nothing but a bad dream.

"Lancelot…" Gwaine said carefully, "Was an astute man. It's just a shame Arthur isn't, eh?"

Merlin snorted, "I'd make a terrible Knight, anyway." He stated and Gwaine agreed.

"Probably. But hey, one of us needs to be the brains of the operation." He nudged Merlin in the ribs and Merlin laughed and shook his head. "No, but seriously Merlin…Our King has not realised how valuable you are."

Merlin paused and then chuckled, and Gwaine looked around to him.

"What?" He asked, and Merlin smiled.

"You. Calling Arthur our King." Merlin looked forward, "It wasn't so long ago that a certain someone was sure that all nobles were heartless and we were better off without them."

"Yeah well, maybe this King is worth the trouble." Gwaine muttered, and suddenly the cold was upon him again. Merlin looked at him strangely.

"Gwaine?"

"Can we go somewhere warmer? I'm freezing my bollocks off here." Gwaine stood, and picking up his sword he marched toward the armoury, depositing it there, Merlin close at his heals. A nervous energy filled Gwaine, and he moved quickly, feeling almost a little nauseous. Merlin trailed after him in silence, and it was only when they were climbing the stairs that Gwaine realised he was leading them back to Gaius chambers.

Realising it was too late to turn back and go elsewhere, he allowed Merlin to take the lead and followed him into the Physician's quarters. To both of their surprise Gaius was awake and sat at his desk.

"Gaius?" Merlin asked, surprised.

"Hello Merlin, Gwaine." He nodded his head, "I trust everything is alright?"

"Ur…" Merlin blinked and Gwaine entered the room.

"What are you doing up?" He asked, and Gaius shrugged.

"I thought I had best prepare myself for work." He stated and at their questioning glances explained. "Well normally when Merlin sneaks out of his bed in the middle of the night, it's because someone's trying to kill Arthur."

Gwaine laughed again, despite himself. "Oh God, Arthur has no idea how much trouble he'd be in without the pair of you."

Gaius looked to the Knight with the greatest scrutiny. "Gwaine, are you alright?" He asked, shrewd as ever and Gwaine took in a long shaking breath.

"Cold as hell." He nodded back with a smile. "I'm going to go steal your fire." He crossed to the hearth and stuck his hands in as close to the flames as he dared. Merlin and Gaius watched him in silence, and he shifted awkwardly. The chimney gave a little moan as the wind picked up and Gwaine gave a violent shiver.

"Gwaine…" Merlin eventually asked, "What were you doing out there?"

"Couldn't sleep." Gwaine responded.

"I can make you something to help, if you require?" Gaius offered, but Gwaine shook off the request.

"No, no – it's fine…It's just the chimney…" He paused, and then expanded, "It makes a lot of noise in my room. I…I don't like it."

And suddenly, unbidden it came back to him in flashes, shaking through him and he drew in a sharp breath, slapping his hand out to the wall to steady himself. He heard Merlin start toward him, but he raised his hand to show that he was fine. And then he stood in silence, too lost for a moment for words.

"Well, if you're both alright, I'll get back to bed." Gaius eventually said, and moving away beyond a screen he proceeded to do such, leaving both men alone.

"Do you want a drink?" Merlin offered, and before Gwaine could answer had poured out a hot broth into two cups…Though how he had heated it, Gwaine was unsure. Merlin handed him a cup, and Gwaine cradled it silently in his hands. He took a sip, but it did not dispel the cold within him, and he gritted his teeth.

"Gwaine…Are you alright?" Merlin asked carefully and suddenly Gwaine couldn't contain it any longer and he had no idea why. He had kept his tale to his heart his entire life, but suddenly now, it needed to be told. He needed to let it out of him.

"Did I ever tell you how my father died?" He asked, and he heard Merlin freeze. It was a stupid question. He had never told a soul, but he wasn't sure how to start. "I know you know it was because of Odin's incompetence, but…you know, there was more to it than that. It was because of me too." He broke off and slowly turned before sitting down at the seat by the fire. Merlin approached gingerly and sat opposite him. "Do you know much about Odin's land?" Gwaine asked, and at the silence continued. "I was born there. It's not like Camelot. There's a lot of pain and suffering to be found in a Kingdom where the King doesn't care. We had bandits, robbers, renegades running through the land taking what they wanted, and often farmers and village folk – who had nothing – would be forced to consort to terrible things to feed their families…One such village, which had been destroyed by one of Odin's patrols during a battle, demanded that the King help them. They had no crop left, they had no food, some no homes, and winter was coming…Odin refused and so…They plotted to capture Odin's son Gaheris…See, this is where I came into the picture. Odin discovered the plot and decided to substitute Gaheris with another…I was the same age, height, build, same hair colour…" Gwaine paused, "You can see where we're going with this. Anyway, from what I remember he didn't tell my father or mother what he was planning, things might have been different if he had, but came straight to me. He asked me if I wanted to serve like my father did, he asked me if I wanted to be a Knight…I was an idiot, and I said yes. I was so proud of myself, you know? I was so…so…arrogant. And then some guy had a bag over my head, and I was being thrown into wooden chest. The soldiers caught onto the attack, but whilst they got most of the men…Three escaped with me.

I was taken to their camp, and when the truth emerged that I wasn't who they had thought, and that the entire thing was a trap…Well, the general consensus was to kill me.

And that's when my father arrived. He had followed their trail all night…There were forty of them Merlin. He was one man. At first he demanded they let me go, and they were afraid. And then when no one else appeared they realise he was alone. He told them he was one of Odin's Knights and that Odin's full force would reign upon them if they hurt either of us, but they caught his lie…They were hungry, Merlin. And they were angry. They realised that Odin had abandoned my father just like he had abandoned them. So then my Father tried to renegotiate – he tried to offer them terms, tried to barter with them, but it wasn't enough. They had promised Odin that unless he gave them what they wanted, they would see that he paid…And they wanted to make good on that promise, with blood…

Then…then I think he begged. My father. I don't like to imagine it, but I think he did. He begged them to spare me, he begged them to let me go. And everything just went wrong. I don't even know what happened, there was a sword, someone got angry, and suddenly they were fighting, and I was being thrown to the ground and my executioner was getting ready to take off my head…

And you know what my Father did? He dropped his sword, and covered me with his own body…" For a moment Gwaine couldn't breathe. "I felt the blow strike him…I heard it cut through his neck…And he just dropped against me, his whole body went limp. I was trapped underneath him and his head was half-off and there was blood everywhere…And he was crushing me. My father's corpse was crushing me.

They must have dragged me out from beneath him, because I saw them finish the job and take off his head. And God, but I kicked and screamed, and fought…And they were shouting, and laughing, and saying that this would send Odin a message. I was seven years old and already I knew then that the only message that it would send was that my father was a fool and that he should have left me…

I don't remember much after that. Maybe they beat me, maybe they knocked me unconscious…but when I was awake next they were gone…They had left me huddled beside his corpse. It was really cold that night…and his skin was freezing and hard…and there was this wailing sound, this crying…Maybe it was me?" Gwaine smiled slightly, "I don't know anymore…It was probably me, right? But I don't know…" He paused, reflecting in the silence of the story. "I tried to bury him, but I couldn't…Two days later one of the villagers from nearby came across me…There were a column of circling birds above us now, and he came to investigate. He buried my father instead, and took me home…And my mother…Well she had appealed to Odin for help in finding me when my father's head was sent to court…But as you know, he refused…and he cast us away in shame…I had been used to save his son's life, and for everything that's what we got…" Gwaine looked up, "My mother gave birth that winter…And we were so hungry that I listened every night to my little sister's cries growing fainter and fainter, as my mother grew weaker and weaker and they both starved…It was this sound, this sound like-"

The wind blew down the chimney and wailed and Gwaine laughed and shrugged.

"Anyway, it was then I appreciated what that hunger could drive a man too. I realised all the pain that those fat, rich nobles caused…And I decided that I was never ever going to make the same mistake and serve another man again…" He stopped, "Until you and Arthur started that bar brawl…or was that me?" He snorted and laughed, "It was probably me, right?" He caught Merlin's eyes. They were wide, distraught and wet with tears and Gwaine was surprised. "Oh, come on Merlin," He chided, "Don't be upset…It was a long time ago."

Merlin drew in a deep breath, like he wanted to say something, but then couldn't find the words. Gwaine watched him, and found the other's tears oddly relieving.

"I never knew you suffered so much…" Merlin eventually choked out.

"Can you normally tell?"

"It's just…You always look so happy."

Gwaine knocked Merlin's arm. "Merlin, I'm not a deep and broody person…The chances are, if I look happy then I am."

"But not always?"

"Not always." Gwaine agreed, almost a little gingerly. "But mostly."

"How can you be happy…when those things cloud your past?" Merlin asked, and Gwaine felt a little guilty for how helpless and unhappy Merlin looked in that moment.

"Because I follow the wind Merlin…I get up, I recover, I fight…And I even learn. Those things that happened…they changed me…But other things have changed me too, since. If I dwelt on it…Well, wouldn't that be the same as starving all over again?"

Gwaine stood, handing his empty cup back to Merlin, who remained silent, oddly awed.

"Thanks Merlin…I never told anyone all this before. It's…You'd think it be painful, but it's kind of a relief…I guess it needed to be said. I guess I wanted somebody to know." He fiddled with his necklace for a moment. "The truth is though Merlin…That most of the positive changes in my life are because of you. Maybe if you hadn't shown up at that tavern, I would be a very different person…Maybe my roguish charm would got me killed, as Arthur said." He tried to make light on the words, but his tone dropped again. "So…Thank you. You're a real friend, my first true friend to be sure. And…Oh, hell, I'm not good at this." He shifted awkwardly, "Just…Just thanks, ok? And…Don't let this change anything. You know who I am, you know my past now…But I'm still the same person I was yesterday, so…Just remember that."

Merlin nodded. "Yeah…I can understand. Yeah. I'll remember."

"Good…And, ur…Merlin…Don't...Don't tell anyone." Gwaine smiled awkwardly, "I've got them all thinking that I'm just a nobody from a nameless village who got caught up in a storm…I'd rather they keep thinking that for now."

"I won't tell a soul." Merlin promised, and Gwaine crossed to the door. "But Gwaine…They don't think you're nobody." Gwaine looked around and Merlin gave an awkward shrug, drying his eyes. "Nobody who fights as brave as you could be a nobody."

Gwaine snorted. "You're going to make my head swell Merlin…Arthur won't like it."

"Yeah, well…You may think Arthur should have Knighted me, but I know he had every right to Knight you."

An odd swell of pride filled Gwaine, and he grinned. "I think I figured out why Arthur likes having you around so much…You say the nicest things."

Merlin beamed in return, "Not to him I don't."

Gwaine laughed, "Merlin you are one of kind. I mean it. I think I can actually sleep now. I feel much better."

Merlin's smile lessened, and became a little more warm and kind. "I'll see you tomorrow Gwaine."

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." Gwaine turned to leave, and he heard Merlin hesitate behind him.

"Gwaine?"

"Hm?"

Merlin bit his lip, "There are things about me too that…that you don't know…that nobody knows. Things I can't…I can't say right now. But maybe one day, I can tell you…If you promise not to forget who I am."

Gwaine shook his head with amusement. "Merlin, you could tell me you were a sorcerer and I wouldn't give a damn."

Merlin paused, and his mouth twitched into a smile. "Yeah, well…We'll see." He stated and Gwaine rolled his eyes at these dramatics.

"Yeah, we'll see." He agreed. "Goodnight Merlin…And thanks again?"

"No problem Gwaine…No problem at all."

**And that's all folks! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please do leave a comment and tell me what you all thought. Unconstructive flames will be used to light the pumpkins for Halloween, and then the bonfires for G.F's Night…Because I'm British. **

**Thanks again!**

**(Also, a point to the person who spots Gwaine's brother from the original legend within the text!)**


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